Sunday, September 9, 2007

Have I been living in a cubicle for the past years?

On my ride today i passed a quaint couple wearing matching puke-orange wind vests sitting down at a coffee shop. As i turned to take a better look at the failed fashion attempt, I quickly realized that one of them was waving in my direction. I looked behind to spot the recipient of the wave. Horrifyingly the wave was for me!

Upon further inspection, I figured out that i indeed knew this rotund pumpkin. It was a very good friend of mine whom I had not seen in about a year. He looked so completely different from how i remembered him. For many years, we were inseparable; he was like a male version of me. We were two skinny bike racers traveling the country to race our bikes! But now he's sitting at a cafe basking in the sun while I'm still riding my bike training for upcoming events.

After a quick great-to-see-you, he told me what he's been up to, such as working hard as a higher-up at some San Fran powerhouse company and preparing for his marriage next month to the blonde bombshell standing beside him.

When it was my turn to talk about all the ways I've changed over the past years, I came up blank - still a bike racer, still traveling, still writing, still living everywhere but nowhere. In my desperation to come up with something, I turned my backside towards him and shook my booty - yep, the only way i changed is that i now have an ass from so many years of bike riding! Pitiful, I know.

For the next three hours of my ride, I was lost in thought. Am i living in a bubble? I do read yahoo news and even periodically pick up a newspaper. But for some reason hearing about all his progress made me feel like my life had been stagnant. Have i lived the past 10 years with nothing to show for it??

It wasn't until the end of my ride that I started to be clear on my life.

Some of the random thoughts that came to mind were:

Am I doing what I want to do with my life right now? Yes.

Do I feel fulfilled? Mostly.

Am I excited to wake up to my life? Yes.

Is there still more to learn about myself through cycling? Absolutely.

Am I happy? For the most part, yes.

For me, it really comes down to whether or not I am happy with where I am in life. Even so, I hope i'm not in the same place in ten years from now! Maybe I'll move to Italy.


Big Bad Wolf said...

watch it, that sounds like existential midlife crisis thoughts..
be happy - ride your bike

Anonymous said...

...peanut... you know that feeling when you've been out riding strong, focused & free for so many hours & miles in the sun & wind... you're coming back into town, exhausted but glorious & you are so at one w/ the bike & your surroundings, that maybe, just maybe you're not afraid to admit to yourself, that you feel like god on a bicycle ?...pretty heady stuff, ya ?...

...well, you'll never be able to buy that feeling, no one else will ever be able to give you that particular 'tuned in' sensation & religion isn't an answer for the spirituality you can achieve by pushing yourself through your own imposed limits...

...don't misunderstand me... the right job & it's money, a stable relationship, religion, if it's your need, can all be wonderfully fulfilling...

...but seems like you're got the right answers to the right questions (you asked 'em, after all) i'm just glad to see you happy with your own bold steps...

...italy...ya, italy does sound good, huh ?

PEANUT said...

Thanks for the positive feedback! Every once in a while i question what it is that i'm doing and i guess it was one of those days!!
Gotta go ride now!

Anonymous said...

An overweight man sitting in a cafe wearing an orange jacket, with a blonde fiancee who's also wearing an orange jacket, watching a friend stick tough to something really difficult, really outside the box, may be thinging about that old saying, "careful what you wish for."

Jeff said...

Keep riding! You're an inspiration to those of us who wish we had your talent and guts.

PEANUT said...

Thanks jeff!!!

Anonymous said...

It's awful mean of you to talk about your friend like that. I hope he doesn't read your blog.

Anonymous said...

You got me thinking. If you weren't who you were, who would you be? Your time on this planet is limited as it is. What else are you "supposed" to do? I can't imagine looking back on my life and thinking, Gee, if only I had worked more. Love your blog.

PEANUT said...

Hey katie:
You just reminded me of a quote i heard, "I always wanted to be who the hell was it?"
Thanks for your compliment!